Tears and joy and hope and tears

Today would have been my brother, Michael's 32nd birthday.  He was the BEST brother and friend I could have asked for. So many memories to hold on to. Our family hasn't been quite the same for nearly 5 years. Michael is NEVER forgotten, never far from our minds and ALWAYS missed and loved. You know, I always thought that things would get better. To be honest, the only way I can make them "better" is by forcing the thought that he's not alive anymore away from my mind. I'm constantly distracting myself from it. Forcing myself not to remember. Usually a memory comes in and I slam it away as quickly as it arrives. It's just too much to remember sometimes. Time is only a plaster, but it's still painful underneath. Today should be a happy celebration. Well, in all honesty, I feel just sad. The tears are streaming down. Today I owe it to him and to myself at least to stop, and allow myself to remember. This is so hard. All I want is to hug him and see him laughing and running down the beach with his surfboard under his arm. I love picturing him like this - it was how we all saw him before he got so ill - but I know it's all gone now and we mourn our loss still. He was always on the go (but not in a hectic way), visiting friends, cooking up a great meal, off to the beach, off to work, always enjoying life and making the most of his days.  I wish we could press rewind, go and make some changes in history to give him full health, and carry on life in our previously normal way. I want to show him Josephine and Evie. I want him to come and visit us in Japan and we go to him. And more importantly, I also want to take the pain away that my parents feel...I feel it badly, but to lose a child....that is the toughest of all, I think.
But the Lord gives us strength to manage our days. Even a hard one like today, He will give us enough strength for these hours we need to endure. And our hope is in Him. That He saved Michael and that He will save us and others that believe in Him. That gives me hope. We will meet again. And it will be so different to life on earth....what are my expectations??....limited I guess. It's going to be awesome to spend ETERNITY in heaven with God, the angels, all our brothers and sisters...in perfection. Perfection! There will be no crying, no stress, no hatred or revenge. Only love, peace, singing, laughing, ....a big feast.
One positive thing about Michael's death (for me) is that it has really made me stop and think about what's important in this life on earth: to have a relationship with God and to love and appreciate each other.

Our Josephine

This is the girl ... whom I love more than I can ever tell. The one who drives me nuts sometimes, but the one who I'm sooo proud of and am so in love with. She's our princess.

Big cook, little cook

This is us lot at home on an ordinary day. Friday last week we decided to do some baking. So the aprons went on and .... Evie was first.

Then came Josephine. "Josephine can you and Evie please stand 10seconds for a photo for me, please?" So she tries to put Evie on her lap. The queen was not amused.

Never ask a 3 year old to "smile" for a photo. It's the' most unnatural thing you can imagine. Hard try but a bit forced. :-)

Your 10 seconds are up, Mamma. Now it's my turn to do MY thing. Face pulling starts and went on a while...

Evie thought it was great and wanted to join in too! Here she is baring her teeth!

St Martin's "Laternumzug" (Lantern walk)

On 11 November, the Germans celebrate St Martin's Day which is a legend of a man who saved a poor, cold man's life by giving him half his coat. The legend is told at schools (little acts, drawings, etc) and then the children all make paper lanterns and go on an evening walk just after sunset, singing some special children songs relating to St Martin.

This last week, the children at KG have been busy making their lanterns and on Thursday night all the parents and children went on a walk throught the park which is adjacent to the school. It was perfect. Ideal weather, lovely atmosphere with all the children's voices, the lights. Magical.

Me, myself and, ...my wrinkles. Ew!

So, today I turn 36. Can you believe it? I'm due for my midlife crisis any time now. Could be tomorrow? Could be in it? Let's see. All I know is that:, I feel blessed!  I've had a great upbringing (thanks mom and dad!!!!), married for 10 years (the best decision ever - to marry Michael, my soulmate), with 2 beautiful daughters who complete us and make our family. We've got wonderful family in UK, NZ. Great friends all over the world. We thank God, who made us, you and everything around us, for these blessings. There is much to be grateful for.

Losing my marbles...

in the bath - this evening

The yellow line (bus to KG)

Every morning, after our hour of getting ready, Josephine, Evie and I hit the road with the bikes. I push Evie in her tricycle and Josephine rides on her pushbike (Puky). It's a steep hill, but we're used to it now. To get Josie to the top I challenge her that my shadow will catch hers or that we'll see who can press the button at the zebra crossing first...she charges ahead.
Anyway, here are some photos of our bus stop. We're lucky that we're the closest bus stop to the school. It "only" takes 20minutes for the bus to get there.
Taking the bus is one of the highlights for Josephine. And it saves Evie 80minutes of sitting in the car. I don't mind the driving, but she does. So, it's great to spare her of that.

Anyway, pictures tell the story....

A stack of other random photos of us lot

I've just uploaded photos from my iPhone....a bit overdue. So here are some shots from the last 0-4 weeks.

Josephine and Pappa examining her "Ant House"

a future teacher, perhaps?? Or politician? Or wife and mother?

the Ant House. They were supposed to dig tunnels. The went on strike. Day 5 was the day they were set free. No tunnels.

Social habits: Josephine epi-ladying Pappa's legs. "I just want to make you bweautiful, Pappa." Hair removal is painful and often we hear male shrieks! ;-) Pappa's.

an Oasis (Todoroki valley) just across the road from us. Green!!!!

And off she goes. Puky was one of the best investments we made. Her bike (Puky) is used every day.

ZZZZZZoooooom! And off she goes. She is FAST!!!

Madamski Evie Marie. The queen of shoes and handbags. Oh boy. What are we in for. Here, she was very set on carrying my handbag for me.

a post which belongs in the post about our trip to Nikko. This was the Japanese BBQ we had! Do you see the bamboo sticks planted in the ashes here, with fish on the ends?

Michael at the Japanese BBQ. What we ate? Fish, vegetables (unknown ones to us), noodles, rice and some chicken.

Josephine concentrating to use her chopsticks.

Pappa managing it all. 2 kids climbing all over him. Lots of bowls, a hot fire in front. Evie armed with a chopstick in her mouth (looks like a piercing) and another in her other arm (which still lacks some fine motor skills). All this, and his legs are cramped straight under the table so he has minimal torso movement. Do you see any panic in his eyes? Bad shot, poor light, but yes, it started to get a little hairy.

Evie desecrating the sacred chopsticks. They're not spiritually sacred, but just respected table tools. They shouldn't be scattered on the table, but rather laid neatly on a special porcelein holder thing. What Evie is doing here is ... not good. She was stopped. By us, I mean.

Evie in the park near our house (about 1km walk) Check out our grass!!

I love this photo. So typical. In "our" Noge Park (same one as above)

Josephine jumping from one "bouncy/soft" hill to another.

Josephine genuinely loves ants. All insects actually. She loves them.

drawing in the sand. Her artwork for the day.

Evie grabbing a stick of her own and trying to keep up with her big sister!

trying to climb a tree.

Oh oh. Little Evie doing her thing.  Yup, it's gross.

Freckles? Nope. Mud splatters.

The joyfullest, heartiest, laughiest laugh ever!

Taking care.

Sisters. Daughters. Girls just having fun!

Random photos .... Shibuya, Tokyo (comparable to Picadilly Circus)

Here are some random photos which I've just downloaded from my iPhone (btw 0-4 weeks old)

I can't explain it, but there are just MASSES of people coming out of the train station at any given time. Too much for the eye to take in or the brain to comprehend. I've never seen anything like it. Apparently 4million people move through there every single day. The BUSIEST train station in the world.
Yikes.

a fashion shoot we walked past and decided to photograph ourselves

our favourite pitstop - delicious AU chicken on the barbie with veg! Healthy and lekker!

my hubby - I love him more every day. Some days a tad less, but mostly more!! ;-)

our Evie

the Japanese version of Mickey Mouse. Hello???

Tokyo Disney Store. Looks appealing until you see Mickey and friends inside. Wierd! Not really for children actually. 

Josephine's thinking of Christmas presents

Today Josephine stayed at home as she has a bad cough. She has slept really badly for 3 nights in a row with all her coughing...
So, what to do with the extra time and wanting to stay calm and not go out too much??? ..... make a Christmas list: who does she want to buy a Christmas present for? And what does she think they would like?
Well, the list part went easy: We had 2 lists: family and friends.
She wanted to buy "jewels" for everyone. Cwowns, w(r)ings, gold. So we decided to make a trip to the 1pound shop so she could have a look around and see what "jewels" she could find. At the 100Yen shop (£1 shop) one can't really go wrong. And she loved the right to choose for herself. She got her own basket, some small change...and off she went! She rushed right on in, body trailing slightly behind her head and hunched shoulders (a sure sign of a hurrying child whose legs can't keep up with the thought processes).  ;-)
She went straight to the first shelf she saw and started packing into her basket. Not quite what I had in mind at first, but well, it's a learning curve. Do you want to know what she picked? Shower caps, some hand towels with Pokemon type cartoons on them (not my favourite, but she liked them!) She was however in such a hurry, she didn't really check what she was putting in anymore. "Ah! Dis is so nice!" and "Ah! Dat is so nice"!
As I could see this was getting less productive/fun than initially anticipated, we had a short team talk. I tried to re-explain to her that well, she didn't have enough money to buy as many things as she had put in her basket; and that she had to think about finding small things so that it would fit into the envelopes. Eyes never stopped darting through the team talk moment...scanning for further basket options...
So, we (I) tried to narrow our search down for starters and decided to focus on Gwan, Gwamps, Joshua and Jesse.

I don't want to give it all away, but there were so many precious moments where you could just see her thinking of what SHE would like the others to have. It may not be their favourite pick, but I think that they will treasure it just because it genuinely comes from Josephine. And so, I will not give it all away... but just to give you an indication of how the next 20minutes went....
....She picked fluffy pink slippers for Gwamps. A small size. I'd guess a 4. (privately, I thought "Gwamps, your toes are gonna cramp up in there!!smile). So, I tried to point out that those tiny slippers were for teeny weeny Japanese ladies. Maybe she should look for something bigger... so, she energetically swopped the pink fluffs for some polkadot ones.

Anyhow, after a while she started spotting LOTS of things for herself and then it took a bit of effort to redirect her attention. She found some jewels and some handbags and so on. And after some things had to be returned to the shelf, she finally said that "Why is dis all taking so LONG!?!" So, the patience was up and we went to the till and got our few chosen items.

Was maybe a bit of a premature experience, but it was cute and fun!!

"It's better to give than to receive." So true, so true!

Evie's first words

Well, Evie is now really working hard on practising her new words....

She mastered the Mamma and Pappa words a while ago, so that comes easily....she shrieks them when she needs to be hauled out of life threatening situation, whines them when she wants something and shouts them to beat Josephine's decible level.
But now....drum roll....she's added 2 more family member to her list....
"Jothie" to her ever growing repetoire. She goes around the house saying "Mamma. Pappa. Jothie and...gewd gewl."
Ah...the way she pronounces Josie (with her pitch going HiIIgh as she ends her sister's name)....edible! And she calls herself "good girl". I have to laugh about that one!!! Mamma, Pappa, Jozie and Good Girl.
Kind of reminds me of my sister, Liesl, calling herself "Liesl Love" (thinking her surname was Love, she had heard it so many times!!!)  :-)

Other words are
bewd (bird)
Pup
Dog (sometimes sounding like Gog)
Baw (ball)
Juice
car
couch
touch
MY & MEINE (German for mine)! (a favourite, should be at the top of the list.)
Nein
Ja (says it in a very relaxed, cool way. Jaaaa.) Sometimes says "yes" too.

Understands a lot and can follow instructions. If you ask her if she wants something she says Ja or Nein.
She certainly makes Josephine, Pappa and I smile!!!

KG - mini farmers

Here's a photo of Josephine's KG friends from her "Nilpferd" (Hippo) group when they went to dig up sweet potatoes about 2 weeks ago. Josephine is right in the front, holding the sign.

Teachers from LHS: Kai Walz, Dennis and Mandy Rocktaeschel